i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
