I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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