You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
