If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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