Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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