He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
