I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
