for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The Olympian is in my bed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
