My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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