it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
