when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
