I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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