can we get nightvision for the apartment?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
