That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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