Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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