Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize