Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
