So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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