I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
