I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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