I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
