Just fell off a train. Bad.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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