Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is the high leading the old right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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