Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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