can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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