Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
