there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she peed on how many people?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize