Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
