Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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