Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
