I just saw a hot homeless man
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
