I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
