I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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