I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
