Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
