I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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