Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize