Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
