does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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