i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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