yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
