he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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