oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
