i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
