Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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