my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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