the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
