I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
