is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
