why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
