dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
