Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
