sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You pole danced in your parka.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
