people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
