Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
