this boner is exhausting
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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