made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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