Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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