just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
