Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
