I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
two words: eviction party
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
