i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
