Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
