the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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