My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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